Don't Go Breaking My Heart

INT - Office

Two men, JACK and STEPHEN, face each other from a desk. Jack, well dressed, sits behind the desk, and the stylishly sloven Stephen sits in the guest chair.

Stephen: Ok, so it's a reality show.

Jack: I love reality shows. Love making reality shows.

Stephen: I know. So, it's called "Don't Go Breaking My Heart." Every week, we find a couple that's going through a tough patch in their relationship--

Jack: Love it.

Stephen: And we bring in a celebrity guest to help them through it. We focus on celebrities that were at the height of fame when the couple first got together-- we get a couple who's been together for 35 years, we bring in John Travolta. We get a couple who met in high school, class of '83 and bring in Phil Collins. The best part is, most of the celebrities aren't that huge, anymore, and it won't cost much to bring them in. Sweeps comes in, we bring in someone huge.

Jack: I have to say, it's sounding like a real money maker.

Stephen: But, there's more. Now, get this, season finale, we bring in Olivia Newton John, and it's just a real charming show, and it's great. And the couple stays together, and it's great, and Elton John shows up--

Jack: Love. It.

Stephen: And he shoots Olivia Newton John. This leads us right into Season 2, where--

Jack: He shoots her?

Stephen: With a custom revolver, really flashy. We're talking 1970s Elton, here. It's just going to take everybody back, a really nice moment for everyone to remember what that time was like.

Jack: Like, he shoots her, shoots her? Olivia Newton John is supposed to die on your show?

Stephen: We're not going to fake it! This isn't that kind of reality show.

Jack: Alright. I've got a few notes.

Stephen: Please.

Jack: Well, first, I love the idea. It's cheap, tugs on the heartstrings, has some nostalgia. In fact, I love the idea of bringing Elton John and Olivia Newton John together. Makes sense, ties back into the show, great season finale. Not so crazy on the murder aspect.

Stephen: Murder's such an ugly word.

Jack: It is murder, though, right? I mean, technically.

Stephen: Technically, yes.

Jack: I just think, outside of the morality, I don't really think the FCC is going to let this air.

Stephen: Just run huge promos on the "controversial season finale," and show it after 9.

Jack: Fine... Not to keep coming back to the murder aspect, but, is it really necessary?

Stephen: Absolutely. For the second season, we're going to be aiming for a little bit more of an edge. The couples, they're working through their problems, but there's always this threat, that there's going to be a sequinned gleam out of the shadows, and then the relationship will be over. It lends an air of immediacy.

Jack: And Elton is on board with this? He's willing to shoot someone, someone he knows and has worked with?

Stephen: I haven't talked to him, personally, but I assume he would. The whole "Brown Dirt Cowboy," I get this very wild west vibe. I don't foresee any problems there. Besides, shooting someone you've known and worked with? Isn't that-- doesn't everybody kind of want that? This show's more than just a relationship show, it's-- I hope-- a wish fulfillment show.

Jack stares back at him, uncomfortably.

Jack. Ok. We'll do the show.